How to get selected #1 / Tory humour

Paul Foster was the Tory agent in Gillingham in 2005, and a man who knows about how to get selected if you are a Tory. He was on the BBC SE Politics Show, being interviewed about the 'A-List' and what prospective candidates ought to do to boost their chances of being selected:

The interviewer asked: "Should I put a tie on or wear a suit? Would you prefer that as a Chairman? What are you looking for?"

Foster replied: "Well, first off, you know, could you chop off a leg and be disabled.. secondly, could you declare the fact that you are gay, and if there is a chance have a word with Michael Jackson and change your colour, and then you would be fine."